I just put in a deposit for an apartment. I’m quite happy with the place; it’s updated and open with lots of windows, near the ocean but still close to the city, and has almost everything I was looking for. It also marks the first time in my life when I’ll really be living alone. No family, no roommates, no dorm mates around. Just me in my one bedroom apartment. It’s the first really big life decision I’ve made since I decided to move to Boston five years ago.
And you know what? I’m terrified. By writing that check I’m committed. And while I’m thankful that the question of where I’m planning to live is settled, I’m finding myself mildly freaking out about it all. Am I doing the right thing? Should I have just stayed in my current apartment and found another roommate? Is this good for me financially? Should I have tried to have stayed in the city if it meant less space? Where am I going to get my furniture?!
Through all of this; through the slight panic and all the questions, there is a little voice in the very back of my head telling me that I’m doing it right. Change—especially good change you’re initiating yourself—is scary. It’s a calculated, determined choice to move beyond your comfort zone and grow as a person. It’s recognizing that the situation you’re in isn’t working for you anymore. It’s being completely in charge of your life. What is the hardest about that, especially for me, is that I don’t know right now if it’s 100 percent right.
But as the initial shock of writing that check wears away I know that little voice will get a little louder and confirm that this is a good thing. That it will all work out in the end. That it’s only a year lease. That I will love hearing the ocean everyday outside my window. That it will be so exciting to sit in MY apartment once I’m settled. And that just maybe, making this big decision can lead to many more good changes in my life.